Note: This blog post is for parents bringing home a baby. We know that older children also join families, and while some of these ideas can apply, it mostly applies to new parents of infants.
Twelve years ago we welcomed our oldest child into our little family. The months leading up to his birth were filled with anticipation and delight, and when we walked into our home, not only did a little boy come in with us, but so did a slew of other emotions and feelings. Joy, nervousness, wonder, grief for the “old” life, fear, uncertainty . . . just to name a few. Bringing home a baby for the first time is an experience that is like no other, and no two families will experience it the same way. And, if adding other children to the family, no experience will be the same either. It’s always a new adventure!
So, how do you prepare for this? First, know that you will never be fully prepared, but there are some things to keep in mind that you can do to help make this first-time experience one that you'll look back on with fondness rather than disappointment.
Commit to being a team with your spouse.
Commit ahead of time to having open and honest conversations about how being a new parent is affecting you. Listen to each other. A mom’s experience will be different than a dad’s experience, but no experience should trump the other. Each person’s thoughts and feelings are valid. Commit to supporting one another. Create times to check in with each other as you prepare for your baby and especially after the baby comes home. Be a team. You’re in this together.
Seek advice from those you trust.
Look around you. Are there families with whom you share the same values? Whose parenting styles are you drawn to? Whose opinions or guidance do you welcome? These are the people you want to ask questions to because just like so many things in our world, parenting practices can be very polarizing. I’ve found that there are 8 billion opinions out there and they are all right. When you open yourself up on social media asking for parenting advice (even for something as innocent as diapers or feeding or baby gear), you will get an onslaught of responses from people who are very passionate about their answers. Sometimes these answers contradict one another. Do your own research and seek advice from those you trust.
Find a community.
Find a place that you can plug into once your child arrives. It could be a moms’ group, a dads’ group, or a small group in your church that you can join together. Doing life with people in the same life stage will help you know that you are not alone. Here at Berean, there are groups you can explore for moms, men, and families as well as groups you can join in your local community.
Give yourself grace.
The most important thing to remember when you arrive home is this: Grace. Yes, grace. This is your first time being a parent, and guess what? It’s your child’s first time being a baby too. It’s all new! Your baby isn’t judging you. He or she isn’t going on baby Instagram to compare their babyhood to baby Billy in California. Will you make a mistake? Yes, you will. Forgive yourself. Ask God for wisdom and relish in the fact that you are all newbies.
Accept and ask for help.
It's okay to accept help. If someone offers to bring you a meal, take it. If someone offers to come over to rock the baby while you nap or go to Target, let them. If someone offers to clean your house, 100% say yes. And it’s also okay to ask for help. There is no shame in reaching out for support. For my husband and me, having a baby rocked our world. Lack of sleep, hormones, unmet expectations, and health complications all played into it. We are grateful to this day for all the help we received from friends and family. And when you do say “yes," don’t feel that you need to entertain the helpers when they come over. This is your time to be served – one day you can “pay it forward” by serving other families with new babies too.
Avoid the comparison trap to embrace your own journey.
Finally, don’t compare your experience to others’ experiences that you see on social media. Unlike your baby, you likely do have a social media presence. Comparing yourself to that other mom or dad or baby does nothing good for you. Remember, what others post is what they want you to see, and what they want to remember in a few years when it pops back up on their social feed as “10 years ago today . . ." Trust God. He gave you this beautiful gift of having a baby. Look to him for wisdom and guidance. Look to him for your worth as a mom or dad. He will give it to you.
Look to God as your guide.
In the midst of the sleepless nights and dirty diapers, you will also see the miracle of life unfold in your very arms. Be sure to take moments to look into your baby’s eyes in awe of the goodness and glory of God. You are this child’s parent, and you don’t have to journey parenthood alone. God is the good Father – look to him for wisdom, strength, and patience as you raise the gift he has given to you.
Note: Post-partum depression is a real thing. If you feel that you or your spouse is experiencing this, seek help. You do not need to suffer alone.
Looking for more encouragement?
Our Family Ministry Blog is a collection of posts written by pastors and leaders from Berean for families of all kinds with kids of all ages. Don't miss out on the weekly encouragement, phenomenal resources, and practical tips and advice. Subscribe to the blog today!
