I remember a period of a few weeks when I was young that I didn't want to go to Sunday school. The thought of going to my class didn't scare me, but for whatever reason, when we arrived, the waterworks kicked in and I made it very clear that I didn't want to go into the classroom.
I distinctly remember one Sunday when my dad gave up his time of worship to be with me. He worked to calm me down, he loved and encouraged me, and he also made it clear that I needed to put on my big-boy pants and go to class. I don't remember how that day ended up, but thankfully it was a short-lived phase.
I've gone through seasons with my own daughters not wanting to go to their age-specific programming. Usually, they would cry and fuss, but the teachers would always tell my wife and me that they were fine as soon as we left. Thankfully now all three of my girls gladly and willingly participate in kids programming at the church.
As a pastor, I often hear how students of all ages struggle to engage in church programming. I think this begs the question: Do kids and students need to engage with their peers? Is it important for the younger generation to attend church and be involved?
I used to serve at a church where youth programming took place on a day other than Sunday. Often, I would see parents at church on Sunday mornings without their children. When I would ask where they were, mom and dad would say that their child would attend youth programming later in the week, but they didn't want to come to "big" church.
The parents would then explain that they didn't force their kids to come with them because they didn't want to create resentment for the church. This always bothered me. How are kids going to learn about the church, understand its mission, know how to be a part of a community of believers, and learn to love the church if they don't regularly attend and engage?
I know that it can be tough to have a child that doesn't want to come to church. So here are a few thoughts and tips if you and your child are in this situation.
Make the Church a Priority
Your kids (especially teenagers) will be able to come up with all sorts of creative excuses to skip church. Whether it is attending the weekend worship service or age-specific programming, they will have "good" reasons why these things are not a fit for them. Don't be fooled!
You know and understand the purpose of the church. It is the bride of Christ. We are called to be in covenant community with other believers, which means we should actively be involved in gathering, growing, giving, and going together, all to the glory of God.
If you don't make the church a priority in your life and in your home, your child will not learn to make it a priority in their life. This isn't about perfect attendance, but it is about priority. If you take a stand and make the church a priority as a family, your child will learn to do the same. Allowing them to be absent or inconsistent so that they won't resent the church will only teach them that it isn't important.
Choose Your Battles Wisely
I have known a lot of great kids who attend church regularly, but they don't engage in their age-specific programming. Is this okay? Yes and no. Does faith in Jesus Christ require being involved in youth ministry as a teenager? No. Being involved in the church through worship, serving, and community is vital, but that doesn't have to happen through a youth group.
However, think of what your teenager would gain by being part of a community of their peers who are navigating the same things in life and applying their faith in those areas. A church youth group can provide much-needed encouragement, challenge, and accountability that is practical in a way that can't be offered elsewhere. You know your child best, so make some simple decisions that will help them to view the church and engage with it in a healthy manner.
Remove Excuses
I regularly hear of kids and teenagers who are nervous to try out ministry activities because they are new and won't know anyone. I resonate with this! As an introvert, entering a room with people who know each other but they don't know me is incredibly intimidating.
Do the best you can to eliminate some of these hurdles and roadblocks. Suggest they invite a friend, someone they feel safe with already, and try things out with them for the first time. It can be incredibly helpful. Neither of them may know anyone, but they will know each other and can navigate the newness together.
At a church like Berean, I have found that many kids and students are afraid they won't know anyone, but it turns out there are people they know. The key is to help them overcome their fear. Our Berean Kids and Berean Youth staff and volunteers love to help students have a great experience.
The church matters. Your children matter. It is normal and natural for kids to be reluctant about the church. The good news is that they have been placed in families with parents who love them, care for them, and know what is best for them. Walk alongside your kids and help them engage in the faith family. The result can be a vibrant faith and a love for the body of Christ.