This morning's weather was very deceiving when looking out the window. The sun was shining and the sky was clear blue. In the middle of winter, I was fooled into thinking that this would be a warmer day... until I pulled up the weather app on my phone and saw the temperature was below zero.
I have lived in Minnesota for almost five and a half years, but I still can be easily fooled with my eyes when it comes to winter weather. I know it is just wishful thinking. The reality is that the temperature is going to be cold no matter what it looks like outside during February.
Looks Can Be Deceiving
This experience reminded me how looks can often be deceiving. Not only looks but also our hopes and desires can keep us from seeing reality. This concept also applies to our children.
My kids go to public school. We have been fortunate to be zoned for an excellent elementary school. There are outstanding teachers and our girls have good friends. I always look forward to hearing how their day at school went, what they did, and who they spent time with that day. Because I work a full-time job and they are in school for a large chunk of the day, I rely upon what they tell me about these things. I don't get to experience first hand what they are doing in school each day. I don't get to see the smiles on their faces when something good happens or see their reaction to a difficult situation.
Looks can be deceiving. Our kids can tell us that things are okay, that there aren't any emotions they need to process, or issues that they are having to navigate. Often the older a child gets, especially into the teenage years, the less likely they are to communicate with their parents about how they are really doing. As parents, because we hear them say that things are "good" and because we hope they are well adjusted and doing well, we take them at their word.
The reality is that the sky might be blue and the sun is shining, but the weather is drastically cold.
Don't just take kids at their word when they tell you everything is okay.
Do the hard work of digging deeper, showing you care, and providing a safe place for kids to open up and share what they're really thinking.
Instead of accepting the "good" answer to the "how was school today?" question, ask specific questions, spend quality one-on-one time to build trust and encourage conversation. Over time, these types of conversations will show that I care about what is going on in their life.
Some kids will open up easier than others, but every kid has things going on in their life. Don't let the blue skies and bright sun that you see through the window fool you. Take the time to open up the door and go outside to see what the weather is really like. Build trust by asking questions and spending quality time with your kids. Take the time to learn their reality and be the parent they need and God has called you to be.
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