Family Ministry Blog

Three Effective Ways to Show Your Kids You Care

Let's face it. Parenting is not easy. But there are some things we can do to develop fun, healthy, regular patterns of communication with our kids and effectively show them that we care. Let's take a look!

by Brent Birdsall on April 11, 2022

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I can clearly remember when I learned to whistle. I know that sounds ridiculous, but those kinds of milestones are forever etched in a childhood brain. My family was all geared up to make the 2+ hour trip to Grandpa’s house, but I had had an earlier encounter with some poison ivy, and I was a mess. Dad and Mom decided that I should stay home with Mom, and Dad would take the other three kids with him. 

Can you believe it?!? I had Mom all to myself. In a loud, busy family of six that was a rare occurrence. Among all the fun things we did, the most memorable was Mom teaching me how to whistle.

Another childhood highlight I easily recall was our nighttime, lights-out routine. My dad was a pastor and quite often he was out in the evening on ministry calls or in meetings. Yet every night when he returned home, he would come into the “boys’ room,” ask about our day, pray with us, and then tell us he loved us.

My first example above was a one-time event, and the other was a daily pattern. Both left a deep impression on me.

Consider these 3 ways to care for your kids.

As I reflect on the two examples above, I am reminded of the importance of caregiving in the home. I'd like to encourage you to always remember to do three things.

1.  Listen.

Ask each of your children one question and then listen. Don’t respond immediately. Don’t give advice. Just LISTEN! What is important to them? What do they love? What makes them afraid? Who do they admire or who would they wish to be their friend? 

We parents can mean well, but there are times when we talk too much. A skill we should develop is how to ask meaningful follow-up questions. Not interrogations, but thoughtful queries to clarify, better understand, or affirm your children.

One of the greatest ways to care for your kids is to listen to them mindfully.

2.  Have fun.

Have fun together as a family. It is best if you start this pattern early. Kids love having fun, relaxing times together. It is okay to push and encourage achievement and success, but sometimes it is incredibly meaningful to simply walk alongside a stream and throw rocks into the water or to throw a frisbee in the park (or whatever kids do these days)

As our kids got older, we had family movie night. There were some absolute favorites and there were some movies I couldn’t tolerate. My kids still mock me for snoring through some of the movies they chose.

We show that we care by allowing children to set the agenda for the family fun time. 

As a grandpa, I know that my grandkids love it when I get down on the floor to wrestle with them. We also play games like “War” and “Old Maid” and “Chutes & Ladders” ad nauseam. But we do what they love to do, not what I think they should do. They love a little card game that we brought home with a Chick-fil-A kid’s meal. We go around the table and each person gets to answer a question from the box. 

3.  Form alliances.

There are values and priorities we want to pass on to our kids, but we soon learn that our kids think of us as outdated and peculiar. When this happens, we should develop and encourage friendships with other people who share our values.

Our youngest son, Ike, now 30-something, was terrible when it came to eating vegetables. It was an ordeal when we talked about the benefit and value of green vegetables. He would almost throw up when we said, “Just one bite. Come on, Ike! Just one bite.

Then Ike went off to college, met a girl, went to her home for a family BBQ and his girlfriend’s dad grilled some asparagus along with the chicken. Guess what? In someone else’s home, Ike found out how delicious green vegetables can be. Hey, I don’t care who gets the credit. I just want to pass on healthy values and priorities.

Your kids want to know that you care.

Now, you might be thinking, “Come on, Pastor Brent, you can do better than that when teaching about caregiving in the home!” But I’m reminded of a wise proverb I learned years ago.

People care about how much I know, once they know how much I care.

Our kids will be more inclined to talk with us about the difficult times in their lives once we have developed healthy, fun, regular patterns of communicating. So, if you want to deeply, effectively care for your child, first LISTEN, then HAVE FUN, and finally, FORM WISE ALLIANCES.


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Tags: family ministry, family values, biblical parenting, family priorities, effective parenting, churches near me, christian parenting tips, churches in lakeville, berean baptist church, churches in burnsville, churches in apple valley, christian family blog, christian parenting blog, christian parenting advice, wise parenting, caring for your kids in the home, how to show your kids you care, listen intentionally, listen to your kids, have fun with your kids, build alliances with other parents, communicating with your kids, developing healthy communication with your kids, how to effectively care for your children

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